Break My Leg

Jesus,

You are a great God and everything you do through your people is great. I long to do great things. God, I want to be in the center of your will, the center of your presence, and the center of your heart. God, don't ever let me stray from you; break my leg if you have to, but don't relent in drawing me closer to you. Whatever you are teaching me in this season please help me to recognize it and learn it. I don't want to forfeit the dreams you have for me because of something I am or not doing now. Please God show me your will, give me a sign, I can't exist without your presence or approval in my life. I don't want my memories to be bigger than my dreams. Give me the spirit of Daniel who had big dreams or the perseverance of Joseph who had big dreams but went through the pit and prison to see them fulfilled. Lord, help me grasp what you are showing me in times of the pit and prison. I know you are doing something in me that is preparing me for what is to come, just please help me to wait on you so I don't act on my flesh and miss your will. Give me favor, give me grace, but most importantly, give me you!! I'd rather be a doorman to your throne room than any position this world has to offer

I am Here

God,

I am here, use me. I am here, convict me. I am here, speak to me. I am here, shock me. I am here, soak me. I am here, fill me. I am here, shake me. I am here, wow me. I am here, wake me. I am here, love me. I am here, show me. I am here, guide me. I am here, break me.

I AM HERE, MAKE ME A SLAVE TO INTIMACY WITH YOU

My First Priority

I have always battled in ministry about salary. It seems that in the church world, ministers are expected to work for marbles and the arguement is "let God provide the rest". That is a copout to me and that is not what scripture says. I have searched for a long time for the Bible to justify my thoughts on this issue. In Ist Timothy 5:1 and 5:18, it says that if you do not provide for your family you have denied the faith and you are worse than an unbeliever. Also, in the second part it says that a preacher/teacher is worthy of his wages and not to muzzle the ox while threshing or put constraints on his effectiveness because of poor pay. I am not saying that ministers should seek out riches or lavish salaries but they need to be awarded a level of pay that takes care of them and their family. It is God's will that we make sure that we are at the cost of living rate for that area. If not, we cannot provide for our family and the Bible says that we are a worse than an unbeliever. WOW, the Bible does not mince words. Unless God tells you as a minister directly to take a job with poor pay and he will provide the rest, we should never go into a position that has a salary that will not meet our family's needs. God has appointed the man of the house to provide for his family and be the leader. I am so glad showed this to me, because I was asking him and he confirmed my feelings on this matter. God honors those who take care of their own first. Our families should be our top priority.

The Power of His Presence

It is amazing to me the power of prayer and Gods Word. I have been in a season of my life where prayer and God's Word seem dry and ineffective. I have let this attitude overwhelm me even to the point where it was hard for me to pray or pick up His Word. As a result, frustration and anger started to well up inside of me. I tried to approach every sitution, circumstance, or problem through my own abilities only to end up more frustrated and angry. Given a few times of experiencing this I re-visited prayer and God' Word and in just one session in His presence a peace and unexpected joy filled my heart. Nothing has changed has far as my surroundings or situation but now I am approaching it through Gods eyes and with his strength. God might not change what you want him to change but when you spend time with Him, you find out that his presence is the priority and everything else is ineffective without His presence

Our Family Journey

God has made all things new!

My Girls

I just got back from a two day trip to Amish country with my 10 and 14 year old girls. My wife and the boy are in SC so it is me and the girls for a few days. I love my time with my girls. I love my son so much too, but the daddy daughter bond is so special. We watched "Journey to the Center of the Earth", took an amish buggy ride, toured a cheese factory, an amish home and school tour and then went and saw a broadway musical. We had a blast! Thank-you God for these two precious gems you have entrusted me and Andrea to raise and influence. Grant me the favor and wisdom to permeate their lives with your presence

A New Day

My life officially changed, last night, June 11th. This was the first night with the baby home. Sleep was not an option (more for me than my wife). Waking up to eat every hour, that is crazy. Our bedroom at night has now become "nightlife central". He is amazing though, and I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. The miracle of birth,is just that, a MIRACLE!!! God has brought restoration and he has made all things beautiful. Thank-you God for you favor in our family!

If I Stand

Another song by the late, great Rich Mullins that is so relative to me right now

"If I Stand"

There's more that rises in the morning
Than the sun
And more that shines in the night
Than just the moon
It's more than just this fire here
That keeps me warm
In a shelter that is larger
Than this room

And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of Earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the giver
Of all good things

So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That you will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home

There's more that dances on the prairies
Than the wind
More that pulses in the ocean
Than the tide
There's a love that is fiercer
Than the love between friends
More gentle than a mother's
When her baby's at her side

Hold Me Jesus

I am a big Rich Mullins fan. His lyrics seem to resound with my Spirit everytime I sing them or hear them. This song, "Hold Me Jesus" is a reflection of my heart right now

Well, sometimes my life
Just don't make sense at all
When the mountains look so big
And my faith just seems so small

So hold me Jesus, 'cause I'm shaking like a leaf
You have been King of my glory
Won't You be my Prince of Peace

And I wake up in the night and feel the dark
It's so hot inside my soul
I swear there must be blisters on my heart

Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight You for something
I don't really want
Than to take what You give that I need
And I've beat my head against so many walls
Now I'm falling down, I'm falling on my knees

And this Salvation Army band
Is playing this hymn
And Your grace rings out so deep
It makes my resistance seem so thin

Meaningless

Do you ever feel like you are stuck in a routine? Do you ever feel like you repeat cycles in your life over and over again never really getting anywhere. Do you ever feel like it's groundhog day everyday. I feel like that sometimes. You know I have all these dreams, desires, aspirations that I want to attain, but I feel like I am no closer now than 10 years ago. This morning I had a light bulb moment, or a "duh" moment. I always evaluate my success on what I do, my job, my ministry. If I don't have the big crowd, or the amazing altar call, or the spiritual victories with students, then I am a failure and God must hang his head in disappointment. To be transparent here, I've always wanted the huge ministry, the accolades of being an influential leader. I've wanted my peers to look at me and go, WOW!. When re-visiting this again, I see that God doesn't want that for me, because it would create a sense of pride in my life. God has a way of humbling me through my ministry. He wants me to take my attention of my ministry and put it on my personal relationship with him. It is natural for a man to judge his success by his job. God's affection or approval is not governed by my job, but simply,by just being me! Until I get this concept, I will continue to go in circles until I learn it. The things that God wants me to make priority in my life is my relationship with Him, my family, and then everything else falls behind those two. Now, I don't neglect my family ever, but I tend to neglect my relationship with God based on whether my ministry is succeeding or not. If I don't have a good youth service, or I am losing students, then I take that has disapproval by God and my personal relationship with Him suffers. I need to understand that my ministry(church) life has nothing to do with how God thinks of me. He loves me the same no matter what is going on in my church life. His litmus test is my love for him and my love for my family. I struggle with this so much, because it is so hard for me to see my life as a success if it is not judged by what I do. God, help me to see how much you love me and approve of me because I am your child not because of what I supposedly do for you in so called ministry. Lord, help me not to waver in my relationship with you because I had a small crowd on Wed night. I need your strength, I need a fresh touch of your Holy Spirit, I need the genuine YOU! Lord you know what my hunger is, my deep soul desires. God, you know what I want to see, what I want to be a part of. Help me to be faithful and obedient where I am right now!

The Struggle

Why do old habits always find away of creeping back into your life. Just when you think you have overcome them, they find a way to frustrate you once again. Paul described this when he said "i know what I should do but I don't do it" All I know is that living a holy life is a constant daily battle. If I ever think that I have won the battle and I put away my armor is when I am setting myself up again for another blow to the head. Thank-you God that you don't count my shortcomings, but you extend your hand of grace and mercy once again. My heart yearns for God and my soul seeks to be holy as He is holy, but sometimes my old man wins. "I am a new creation, the old is gone, and the new has come". God, help me to live that mantra every day of my life. I need you, because your strength is perfect when mine is gone. You will carry me, when I can't carry on. I am made perfect in weakness. I admit my inadequacy and I cry out, make me holy, make me pure, I don't want to become weary in the fight