Heritage

This weekend my family and i drove a total of 14 hours in the car to Tennessee and then back home. We only got to spend two days in Tennessee but it was well worth it. My grandparents from England were visiting my parents in Tennessee. We spent thanksgiving together which in itself is funny because we are all British celebrating an American holiday. Anyhoo, I am amazed at the spiritual heritage I have in my grandparents. They are still married and for some 80 years, they are still faithfully serving the Lord. As I said my goodbyes to them on Saturday they whispered in my ear that God has me in his hands and has great things for me. Now from most people, I would of said thank-you and moved on without giving second thought to what they said but from my grandparents this held more weight. You see, they have consistently served God for many years. They have gone through the trials, shared in joys,and cried in painful times. They have seen the provision of God and they have learned how to wait on him. They have proved God over and over again and knew that his promises are yes and amen. When they gently said those words to me, I knew that they weren't just making small talk or exchanging pleasantries, they were speaking from the conviction in their heart. Through 80 years God has been faithful to them and they had the utmost confidence that he would be faithful to me. Wow, there are no words to compare with a long life faithful to God. Too many times we ignore those older than us, or pass them by without even conceiving how much they can pour into our lives. I think the older generation, who are passing the spiritual baton, have nuggets of truth for us, if we will only glean from them. Thank-you heroes who have served God wholeheartedly for many years. Because of you, I am raising my family to serve the Lord. Thank-you for my spiritual heritage

Emotional Shutdown

Well the journey begins again. We are pregnant. As exciting as that is, it is human nature to relive the past experience of being pregnant. It is natural to be more anxious, to be more careful, to doubt, to worry about every little twitch or pain, or to wonder if the baby is still alive. Isn't it amazing how Satan works. Even though God has given us a promise it seems that Satan shouts questions louder than God shouts answers. Although I don't vocalize it enough or express it on my face, I am so connected to Aiden Jeremiah (our coming son). There is something about this gift that God has given us that seems different than our twins. Maybe it is now I understand the frailty of life or maybe it is because this is definitely a hand picked child by God for our family. You don't know how bad I want to hold him, to kiss him, to finally smell that newborn baby smell. I suppress these feelings alot, because the more emotionally I get involved the deeper the pain if another baby is lost again. I don't talk about how I feel about this baby or how excited I am because of the fear of opening up my heart to pain. I can't describe to you the anguish and pain in my soul that began when I heard those words: You are going to lose your boys. After I found out we were pregnant again, it is amazing, but without thinking, I shut my emotions off and said subconsciously that I am not gonna get hurt again. God is showing me now, that is not how he wants me to live. Either we trust God and believe in his promises or we don't. By me shutting my emotions out and putting up a wall, I am saying that I doubt you God and I am not going to let you hurt me again. On the other end, if I express how I feel and swim in my emotional makeup, I am then saying that God I trust you and your promises and they will be fulfilled in my life. God wants to give us the desires of our hearts, but I wonder if he holds back sometimes because we hold back in trusting him and we doubt. The Bible says in James that when we waver in our faith and doubt God our prayers won't be answered. Wow, wakeup call, maybe our prayers are answered not based on God's ability (because we know he can answer them) but on the level, strength, and consistency of our faith. God from now on, I am praying in faith. I am 100 percent in when it comes to believing in your promises and I will not give up until I see them fulfilled. There you go devil, put that in your pipe and smoke it!!!

Standing on Grace

This past week I have neglected God's Word and my prayer time with him. It was not that I have a beef to pick with God or I am mad at him, but I let discouragement slip into my life from circumstances around me. Instead of fixing my eyes on Jesus and letting the things around me grow dim, I gazed on my circumstances and became discouraged and lethargic. I know his presence brings refreshing and renewal, but it seemed like my surroundings had a hold on me. It is in times like these I love the lyrics of a wonderful Rich Mullins song. "If I stand, let me stand on the promise that you will pull me through, and if I can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you". There are times when I am in God's Word, praying, and I feel like I am invincible and more than a conqueror. In those times I hold fast to every promise in God's Word. In times like these though, I am glad I can fall on God's grace and say sorry to him and ask him to pull me through when I don't have the strength to do it on my own. His grace is enough and will always be enough when we neglect him or seem to pull away a little bit. The great thing about God is that we can come back to him and he treats us like we were never gone. He is an amazing Daddy and I am glad he holds no grudges, no record of wrongs, or a list of my shortcomings.

Hero

In today's culture, we throw around the word hero so loosely. We attach it to sports figures, singers, or hollywood. More times than not, those personalities let us down and don't ever fulfill the true definition of "hero". Hero means courage under fire, self-sacrifice, forsaking all the world's success to achieve the goal our God has laid before us. Some biblical characters: Stephen, the first martyr, David who stood up to the giant, Abraham who stood on his faith, Rahab, who put her life in jeopardy to protect God's people, John the Baptist gave up comfort to preach in the desert. Modern day heroes are Jim Elliot who was martyred for preaching the Gospel in Ecuador, Chareles Wesley who led a grace rebellion in the late 1700s, William Seymore, who birthed the AG by seeking God 24/7. Heroes are also Dads who are spiritual leaders of their homes, love their kids and their wife, Moms who support their husbands and take care of the home, students who sacrifice popularity, acceptance, and fame because they are more concerned with what Jesus thinks. I will know I fit the term "hero" when I stand before Jesus and He says, "well done my good and faithful servant". When I hear those words every thing I am in a person, father, husband, son, employee, leader, and friend will be labeled successful. That is the hero I want to be and that is what I want to emulate in those I look up to on this earth. Make me more like my ultimate hero, Jesus Christ.

Faith Without a Backup Plan

I've been reading Hebrews in my quiet times and it is permeated with faith. Hebrews is like a spiritual steroid. If you need a quick energy faith drink, then read Hebrews. Anyway, the theme of Hebrews is "It is impossible to please God without faith". What is faith and how do you get it. Faith is believing in what is unseen and it comes from reading God's Word. The more we hear, read, and memorize God's word, the more faith we acquire. You can't please God without it because you don't know how to please God unless you read his Words and get to know him. Just like I can't please my wife unless I know what she likes and listens to what she says. It's a very simple concept; you can't please God unless you know him. Faith is an action word. Faith is not faith unless it is acted on. For example, last week before youth service I was in prayer and about an hour in, I heard these statements. Tonight, people are going to be at youth service that have not been there in months and miracles are going to happen. My first reaction was, that was my flesh or just a passing thought. The more I prayed, the more I felt these two statements. God was asking me to tell my leadership team those two statements before service. I battled with this for another half hour. Why was this hard; because if I made these two statements to my leaders and it didn't happen, I would be made out a fool. The end result was; I did tell my leaders and people showed up that have not been there in months and miracles did happen that night. In hindsight, I wish I would have responded in faith quicker when God dropped those words into my spirit. That was faith, I didn't have a backup plan if God didn't come through. I didn't re-word those statements so that the likeliness of them happening was greater. Faith is just that, acting upon a promise of God or a revelation of His Spirit knowing that if God doesn't show up or come through, you could be made out a fool. So when you are reading a promise of God or hear him talking to you, stand on it, believe it, and act on it. This is the true essence of Faith.

A Dangerous Prayer

I've been thinking how shallow I am sometimes when I sing the words to worship songs. Sometimes I can sing the words like "i'm desperate for you" or "i'm giving everything to you" or "take my life" without even engaging my mind. It is almost like I've become so accustomed to worship I can breeze through it with out really exalting or commiting to God anything. My mouth sings, but my mind is elsewhere. Lately (the past 6 months), i've been praying the dangerous prayer, Lord I want to know you, Lord I want to be intimate with you, and Lord, I want you to create desperation for you in my life. Why is that dangerous you say, because that prayer gives God permission to bring suffering and discipline in your life. Have you noticed that the ones that God gave great callings too, or loved the most, or favored the most in the Bible went through the most suffering and discipline. David was a murderer and an adulterer yet he was a man after God's own heart. Joseph was thrown into the pit, sold to slave traders, spent time in prison, yet he ruled Egypt. Daniel was falsely accused, thrown into the lions den, but his name was cleared, and the king gave a decree to worship Daniel's God. Naomi experienced loss of her husband and two sons and had to move because of famine, and she became the designated grandmother to Obed who was in the line of Jesus. Hannah's womb was closed for no apparent reason, and she was ridiculed by her husband's other wife, yet she gave birth to Samuel. The list goes on and on. Job was a blameless, godly man, yet God brought extreme suffering into his life to bring Job into a deeper relationship with God or a higher level of intimacy with him. I am convinced that if you want to know Jesus, you can't just know him in the power of his resurection (the joyous times) but you must know him in his suffering. That is why I am convinced that every tragedy, circumstance, or hardship that God puts in my life is an opportunity for me to grow closer to him. So when I pray, God I want to know you more; I better hang on, because the storm is coming, the fire will test me. It is only through suffering that God can bring out the qualities and character traits he wants in us. Somethings in life can be taught, other things have to be caught. Said, another way, somethings in life can be learned, other things have to be experienced. So no matter what hurt, pain, or trial I go through, I know it is a refining time and I say thank-you God because your affections are so strong for me. You want me to go through this suffering because you love me and you are molding my clay. This is why, the disciples could rejoice after being flogged and why Paul said consider it pure joy when you go through many trials. Paul asked many times for God to remove his thorn in the flesh, but God said no, so Paul knew that this thorn was for his growth and to keep him humble. O God, I want to be your suffering servant, because I know it is only then I can identify with you Jesus and the suffering you experienced on earth. Yes Jesus, I want to know your power, your miracles, your wisdom, but I want to know your pain, because it was that pain that drew you closer to the Father. I am truly desperate for you and please consider me for your suffering and discipline.Help me to stay in the fight and not withdraw early, because I may miss the lesson or victory you will bring. I want to be more like you

Intimacy not Obligation

As I write this blog, my heart is so desperate for the intimacy of God. It is so easy as Christians today to read our Bible and pray out of a sense of obligation or because I just have to do it. Believe me I have been there, and that kind of attitude or thought process is discouraging, frustrating and powerless. Our walk with Jesus is not a "have to" but it should come out of an intimate hunger for him. Having to spend time with God will never develop the intimacy we all need with Jesus. Without intimacy with Christ, we will never know him; his thoughts, his heart, what makes him cry, what makes him laugh, how he sings over us, how much he loves us. Don't you want to know that about God. I am so hungry to feel the tears, laughs, groans, songs, and arms of God. I want to be John who layed his head against the chest of Jesus. I want to be Peter who felt the forgiveness of Christ on the shore of a lake after denying him three times. I want to be John the Baptist, who saw the face of the Savior after preaching his coming for years. I want to be Mary who felt the kicks of our loving savior in her womb. I want to be the roman soldier at the cross who came to the revelation that Jesus was the Savior. want to be the beggar, the crippled, the dead, who felt the touch of Jesus and were healed in his name. I want to be the men on the road to Emmaeus whose eyes were opened after Jesus broke bread with them. I want to be the woman who broke open her alabaster box and with her tears and her hair she washed the feet of Jesus. I want to be Stephen who saw Jesus sitting at the right hand of God. I want to be Jacob, who persevered and wrestled with that angel until he received the promise of becoming Israel and fathering the 12 tribes. I want to be Moses, who on top of a mountain, prayed fervently until the Glory of God was imparted to him. I want to be David, who sung and danced before you. I want to be Shadrach and Meshach and Abednego who felt your presence with them in the fire. I want to be Elijah who saw your fire come down from heaven. Don't you want to be intimate with Christ today. You see, there is so much more to God than 15 minutes of reading your Bible and praying. Today, start filling your spirit with things of God. Instead of going to see a movie, read a book about Him. Instead of listening to music that has no meaning, start listening to praise and worship. Start listening to men and women of God teach and speak on hm. Instead of turning the radio on in your car, invite the quietness of his voice and spend some time with Him. Instead of video games, dance before him and let his joy flood your soul. Rather than vegging in front of the TV, kneel in his presence. Feeling obligated to read your Bible and pray comes out of a spirit that has been filled with other things than his presence. Start filling your spirit with the things of God on a daily basis, then your hunger will grow to be intimate with Him