A Dangerous Prayer

I've been thinking how shallow I am sometimes when I sing the words to worship songs. Sometimes I can sing the words like "i'm desperate for you" or "i'm giving everything to you" or "take my life" without even engaging my mind. It is almost like I've become so accustomed to worship I can breeze through it with out really exalting or commiting to God anything. My mouth sings, but my mind is elsewhere. Lately (the past 6 months), i've been praying the dangerous prayer, Lord I want to know you, Lord I want to be intimate with you, and Lord, I want you to create desperation for you in my life. Why is that dangerous you say, because that prayer gives God permission to bring suffering and discipline in your life. Have you noticed that the ones that God gave great callings too, or loved the most, or favored the most in the Bible went through the most suffering and discipline. David was a murderer and an adulterer yet he was a man after God's own heart. Joseph was thrown into the pit, sold to slave traders, spent time in prison, yet he ruled Egypt. Daniel was falsely accused, thrown into the lions den, but his name was cleared, and the king gave a decree to worship Daniel's God. Naomi experienced loss of her husband and two sons and had to move because of famine, and she became the designated grandmother to Obed who was in the line of Jesus. Hannah's womb was closed for no apparent reason, and she was ridiculed by her husband's other wife, yet she gave birth to Samuel. The list goes on and on. Job was a blameless, godly man, yet God brought extreme suffering into his life to bring Job into a deeper relationship with God or a higher level of intimacy with him. I am convinced that if you want to know Jesus, you can't just know him in the power of his resurection (the joyous times) but you must know him in his suffering. That is why I am convinced that every tragedy, circumstance, or hardship that God puts in my life is an opportunity for me to grow closer to him. So when I pray, God I want to know you more; I better hang on, because the storm is coming, the fire will test me. It is only through suffering that God can bring out the qualities and character traits he wants in us. Somethings in life can be taught, other things have to be caught. Said, another way, somethings in life can be learned, other things have to be experienced. So no matter what hurt, pain, or trial I go through, I know it is a refining time and I say thank-you God because your affections are so strong for me. You want me to go through this suffering because you love me and you are molding my clay. This is why, the disciples could rejoice after being flogged and why Paul said consider it pure joy when you go through many trials. Paul asked many times for God to remove his thorn in the flesh, but God said no, so Paul knew that this thorn was for his growth and to keep him humble. O God, I want to be your suffering servant, because I know it is only then I can identify with you Jesus and the suffering you experienced on earth. Yes Jesus, I want to know your power, your miracles, your wisdom, but I want to know your pain, because it was that pain that drew you closer to the Father. I am truly desperate for you and please consider me for your suffering and discipline.Help me to stay in the fight and not withdraw early, because I may miss the lesson or victory you will bring. I want to be more like you