Leaning on My Beloved

This morning, I had an intense time with God. This phrase was being sung in the Kansas City Prayer Room Web stream, "i know the end of the story. I come up from the wilderness, leaning on my Beloved". I was at my desk working while this was being sung in the background. God's spirit came over me and I got up and jumped has high as I could, raised my hands as high as I could and began to worship. God's joy was all over me. Laughter, tears and energy filled my spirit as I became undignified. I'm sure I looked like a fool, but I didn't care. It was all for God and I didn't look like a fool to him, but to him, I was a child who was dancing before his father. Funny enough, i stayed away from dancing near my wall mirror. Even I don't want to see my boobs and belly shimmy along with my jumping. That's a little too much for me. :) Anyhoo, these past five years have been filled with trials and the wilderness can be seen on every side. Just when I think I was coming out of it, another trial would hit, that would keep me in the desert. I would have small victories along the way, but the overall battle was still raging and no end was in site. As I write this, there is still no end in sight, but it is all about perspective and who you are fighting with and who is doing the most fighting. For awhile I was so concentrated on the battle that I lost focus and momentum because the battle was discouraging and draining. I put all my energy into trying to stay strong with my own strength. I have learnt that you can only get through a battle full of trials by getting into God's presence. I concluded that I need to lay down my own weapons and pick up the weapon of prayer and intimacy. I started to accept that my battle cannot be fought with weapons against flesh and blood, but spiritual weapons to engage in spiritual warfare. This too can be draining, but I am telling you that one of the fuels to perserverance in the battle is joy in the trial. We can all put on a smile and say that we are happy in the trial, but that is powerless and can only get you a few miles down the road. That kind of joy never lasts only to betray you and leave your in despair again. The joy that I experienced this morning in my office is the joy that others and even I can't understand why I have it. How can I have joy in the midst of so much death and heartbreak? How can I? Why, because I know my God promises that I WILL COME OUT OF THE WILDERNESS LEANING ON HIM. You see victory for all I know will be tomorrow. Restoration could be next week. Redemption could be this weekend. Whenver it comes, I am sure of this, it is coming. That is why joy is in my heart and I have found rejoicing in suffering is the most fullfilling rejoicing there can be. Tomorrow maybe the promised land or it maybe not, but one thing I am sure of, is; it is coming!!