Be Patient With Me

Vegas is 3 weeks removed from us, and as of a week ago, Andrea is pregnant. We had three embryos left (one in Chicago, two in Vegas). They shipped the one in Chicago ("ICY" our pet name) to Vegas, but sadly ICY did not make the thaw so they put two in. After 3 beta tests the doctor confirmed that it is a strong single pregnancy and not twins. 4 years ago, we lost twins at seventeen weeks. I will never forget holding my boys (Caleb and Ian) in my arms and seeing their lifeless bodies and the feeling of despair and brokeness was so strong. Since then, I have continually prayed that God will restore my twins. We have had Aiden since and several miscarriages. Aiden is a miracle and my love for him is so overwhelming and he is constantly on my mind and I love saying "he is my son". In the joy of having Aiden, I still feel like restoration is not complete. I want my twins!!!! Satan took Caleb and Ian away from me, and I will not let Him win. I want God to restore my twin boys to me. I want to slap the devil in the face and tell him, you are weak, look what God has done. YOU WILL NEVER WIN. Andrea and I have been praying, fasting for these boys (Daniel and Micah). In 1 Kings 19, I am so grateful for seeing a great prophet of God, Elijah, have a moment of weakness in faith. You see, I have been battling the past three weeks in one day having total confidence and then the next day doubting. Elijah had total confidence in God to send fire from heaven to prove to the prophets of Baal that there is only one true God. God answered Elijah's prayer of faith and fire fell from heaven. In the same day, Elijah heard that Jezebel made a vow that in the next 24 hours, she will have Elijah's head. Elijah went from extreme faith to a cowering lamb. He went and hid and asked God to kill him. Twice God gave him food to eat and told him to get up and twice Elijah said no. You would think God would say, whatever, and leave him there to die, but God was patient with Elijah's moment of weak faith. I am so thankful that in the moments I have weak faith, God doesn't shout at me or condemen me, but he is patient with me. He slowly and gently strengthening my confidence in him until I am back on my feet again declaring the goodness of God. This is why I can write this today and declare Daniel and Micah will be in my arms next spring. Why, because with compassion and grace, God is birthing and growing in me confidence in Him and faith for the future. I am done with bad reports of illness and death. I am going to believe in the report of the Lord. The doctor may have said one baby, but God is a God who restores and I will see the goodness and restoration of God on this earth. No doubts, no maybes, no "if it is your will God", and no more bad news. I serve a good God who wants to give good gifts to me. This Friday is Christmas Day!!! Let the unwrapping begin!!!