Help My Unbelief

God,

I want to believe. I want to to have rock solid faith. I want to stand on your promises. Like the father of the demonic child; Please Lord, help my unbelief. Give me the faith to believe for our three babies being transferred in Vegas this week. Give me the faith to believe with my wife that they are sons and all three of them will live and not die. Lord, I so want to believe, but it is such a battle. So much heartache, and empty, painful caverns in my heart. I hide them so well with a facade, but inside my faith is weak in this area. In the natural, after so many losses, my automatic response is to protect my heart and don't let myself be vulnerable again. I don't want to operate in the natural; it is only filled with mediocrity and brokeness. I want to operate in the spiritual where you are asking me to believe and not waver. I don't want to doubt, because I know your word says I won't receive anything from the Lord. Like a broken record, I know that by protecting mine and Andrea's heart from pain again, I am tying your hands and your provision in my life. Believe me God, I don't want to do that. Give me the faith to stand firm this week and in the weeks to come. Give me the faith to believe that our three babies are sons and I will hold them nine months from now. God, I want to hold them. God, I want to look in their eyes and see you saying back to me; these three blessings are because of your faith. Give me the faith to stand firm when Andrea has weak moments in her faith. Lord I want to believe. Lord I really want to believe. Please, please, please Lord, help my unbelief.